i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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