hotel room ftw
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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