If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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