I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
