You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
