i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize