he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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