NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
