I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize