She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
