'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
