I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
