Whod you bang
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
