I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
