I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
