2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
