i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
