I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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