Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
