did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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