whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
