Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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