dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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