There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
