would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
