you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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