I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
