you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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