dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well you can't waste a boner
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
