it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
