he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
