Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
