You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
