I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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