we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
