Fuck appropriateness.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
