I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
