There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You made out with two different species that night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
