Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
