So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
