every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Alive.
So much puke
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
