you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
