Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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