whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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