Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
