I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
