Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
