Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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