I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
