You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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