Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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