I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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