he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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