I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
