I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
