She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
