for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize