Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
