My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
