his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
