God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
