Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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