I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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