we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
