woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
