are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
