she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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