It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
