While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
