Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
