Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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