I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
