smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
handjob tips. give me some.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize