you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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