I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
