she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
