I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize