the condom got lost in my hair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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