i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
