I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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