So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
