They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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