he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
